It happened three times in one week.
Three separate conversations. Three different powerhouse women I know—smart, successful, driven—told me they were getting divorced.
Each one of them said almost the exact same thing:
“I just didn’t feel seen anymore.”
“I was tired of doing everything alone.”
“He’s a good guy… but I felt like I was already alone.”
And I’ll be honest—it rocked me.
These weren’t relationships in obvious crisis. These were the couples I looked up to. The ones that seemed solid. Loyal. “Real-life goals.”
But beneath the surface? Emotional exhaustion. Silent disconnection. Years of burnout slowly eating away at the foundation of intimacy until one day, it was just… gone.
And it got me thinking: how many other relationships are hanging on by a thread, not because of betrayal or blowups, but because we’re too burned out to show up?
Burnout Doesn’t Just Kill Careers—It Kills Connection
We think of burnout as a professional problem. But it’s just as brutal at home. When you’re emotionally spent, there’s little left in the tank for your partner.
The stress, the numbness, the feeling that every request is “just one more thing”… it turns the people we love most into background noise. Into burdens. Into roommates.
Studies have shown that chronic burnout leads to emotional withdrawal, decreased physical intimacy, and increased likelihood of separation. And it makes sense: how can you nurture a relationship when your nervous system is in survival mode?
You stop asking how they’re doing.
You stop reaching for their hand.
You stop being curious.
You stop being kind.
You don’t choose to disconnect. But over time, you do.
And the worst part? Most couples don’t even realize it’s happening… until it’s too late.
Many fall prey to the childrearing years when life seems like an endless game of “tag your’e it.” Though they love each other deeply, they get stuck in routines that help them raise their family, and slowly their relationship disappears.
But it’s not just parents. Childfree couples, older couples, and CEO couples can also experience this. It’s not intentional, and it’s NOT inevitable.
Connection Takes Intention
Love isn’t a passive emotion. It’s an active decision. And especially in seasons of burnout or overwhelm, connection has to be built on purpose.
It’s not about grand gestures. It’s the daily, intentional acts that whisper:
“I still see you.”
“You matter to me.”
“We’re still in this together.”
So if you’ve been feeling the drift—whether it’s subtle or significant—here are five things you can do TODAY to make your partner feel more seen, supported, and emotionally safe.
5 Ways to Reconnect with Your Partner Today
- Start with a “Check-In,” Not a “Check-Box”
When your partner enters the room, don’t lead with the to-do list. Lead with presence and be specific. Instead of asking “how was your day?”…
Ask: “What is something you want to share about your day today?”
It’s a simple but powerful signal: I care about how you’re feeling, not just what needs doing.
In my house this usually looks like “what went well today?” or if it was a hard day we say, “ok what really sucked today?”, share the burden.
- Catch Them Doing Something Right
We’re quick to critique, slow to compliment. Flip that.
Say: “I noticed how patient you were with the kids this morning. That was beautiful.”
Appreciation is emotional oxygen. Everyone breathes easier when they feel valued.
In my house it’s usually something like “I noticed you swapped the dishwasher, thank you!” With three kids and two of them teenagers, it’s mind blowing how many dishes we go through.
- Build a Mini Ritual of Connection
You don’t need a weekend getaway. Start small.
Ten minutes of coffee together. A short walk. Phones down before bed.
Rituals create reliability—and anchors in the chaos.
In my house we take ten minutes at the end of the day to review reels and memes we’ve sent each other on Instagram. Cheesy, but it gives us shared moments.
- Say One Thing You Miss About Them
In stress, it’s easy to focus on what’s wrong. Instead, share something you miss.
“I miss your goofy laugh when we watch dumb movies. Let’s do that again soon.”
Longing can reopen the door to closeness.
In my house it’s often, “I miss hanging out with you. Let’s go hiking/disc golfing on Tuesday.”
- Send a “Just Because” Message
Out of the blue, send a note or text:
“I know we’ve both been busy, but I’m really proud of you.”
No agenda. No ask. Just a micro-moment of love. These small signals of appreciation restore emotional intimacy.
In my house, this often looks like my husband sending me odd pictures of his time on the road. One day he sent me a picture of a sign hanging on someone’s house. It said “Beware of Wife, Dog is Friendly.” Totally benign, but it told me “hey, I saw this silly sign and thought of you” – how romantic😉 Plus I had a quick laugh.
What If It’s Already Feeling Too Far Gone?
If you’re reading this and thinking:
“I don’t even know where to start. We feel like strangers.”
That’s okay.
This isn’t about fixing it overnight. It’s about choosing to re-engage. With small, consistent acts of intention. Every effort you make to turn toward your partner creates an invitation: I want to feel close again. I want to fight for us.
Because underneath the silence and stress, most people don’t want out of their relationship.
They want out of the disconnection.
Help Me Help Others Stay Connected
After those three conversations with women walking away from relationships that seemed unshakable, I couldn’t stop thinking about this:
What if someone had helped them feel seen again—before it was too late?
That’s why I’m developing a set of tools, resources, and support systems for couples navigating burnout. But I want them to be real, relevant, and useful—and for that, I need your help.
I’m looking for 10-15 men to interview. Not for coaching. Not for a program. But to understand what’s working—and what’s not—when it comes to staying connected in long-term relationships.
Whether things are great, struggling, or somewhere in between, your voice matters.
If you’re open to a short conversation (or know someone who might be), DM me or set up a quick connect.
You’ll be helping me create something that could make a real difference—not just for your own relationship, but for many others.
Because love shouldn’t just survive burnout.
It should grow stronger through it.
Let’s help make that possible—together.
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And if you are too burned out and overwhelmed to even begin to use any of these strategies it might be time to get some help. Find a coach, therapist, or doctor who can help you reverse out of the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of burnout so you can get back to living in life you love.
Remember, Self-care isn’t selfish…it’s required!
Yvonne Lee-Hawkins, IPHM, is a holistic Leadership and Wellness coach, stress strategist, and writer, who spent 20 years in corporate and leadership functions. When she is not working, she loves to go on nature adventures with her family, in the Pacific Northwest where they call home. You can find out more on her website, or follow her on Instagram, LinkedIn, or Medium.
If you want some help beating burnout and all that comes with it, schedule a call here.
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