Wellness Wednesday Advice Column edition
Dear Yvonne,
I used to love my job. Now I feel anxious every Sunday. I’m irritated in meetings. I fantasize about quitting — but I’m scared to make the wrong move, especially in this job market. I don’t know if it’s my boss, the company, or if I’ve just become negative. Can you help me?
— Signed, Stuck and Second-Guessing
Dear Stuck,
First, let’s normalize something.
When you’re miserable at work, your brain goes into survival mode. It wants relief — fast. That relief often comes in one of two fantasies:
- “If I just quit, everything will be better.”
- “If I just push through, maybe it’ll pass.”
Both are emotionally driven.
Neither is strategic.
Let me tell you about “Melissa.”
Melissa was a top performer. Strong reviews. Visible projects. Respected by leadership. On a promotion path. On paper, everything looked good.
But she came to me drained.
She didn’t dread her boss. In fact, she respected him. She didn’t hate her team either.
What she hated was how she felt.
She was bored. Unchallenged. Restless.
And more importantly — she didn’t like where the company was headed. Strategic shifts were pulling the organization toward short-term wins over long-term innovation. Cost-cutting over creativity. Politics over progress.
The culture wasn’t necessarily toxic. It just wasn’t aligned with who she had become.
And because she hadn’t separated those variables, she was telling herself a dangerous story:
“I must be ungrateful.”
When you’ve outgrown a role — and when a company’s direction no longer aligns with your values — it doesn’t feel dramatic.
It feels dull. Heavy. Disconnected.
That’s harder to diagnose than obvious dysfunction.
When you’re miserable, everything blends together.
Your brain says: Danger. Escape.
Instead, say: Let’s gather data.
Step 1: Don’t Diagnose While Depleted
Before deciding your career is the issue, check your baseline.
Are you exhausted across all areas of life? Are you sleeping poorly? Would two real weeks off change your mood?
Burnout distorts perception.
If you return from vacation feeling 60% better, you may need recovery — not resignation.
But if you come back rested and still feel that quiet misalignment? That’s data.
Step 2: Separate the Variables
Picture three alternate realities. Something I like to do is imagine myself in the new reality; spend time imagining what it feels like, what you are doing, try it on for size.
Reality A: Same role, different manager. Would you feel better?
If yes, it may be a leadership issue.
But if your boss is reasonable and the friction isn’t relational — look deeper.
Reality B: Same company, different role. Would you feel energized by a new challenge?
If yes, you may have simply outgrown your current responsibilities.
Internal mobility can be powerful:
- You retain tenure and credibility.
- You reduce risk.
- You leverage institutional knowledge.
- You keep benefits and equity.
Sometimes frustration is just stagnation.
Reality C: Different company entirely. Does that feel like relief?
If you’re misaligned with the company’s strategic direction — like Melissa was — staying may slowly erode your motivation.
You can respect leadership and still disagree with the vision.
You can like your boss and still know you don’t belong long-term.
That’s not betrayal. That’s evolution.
Step 3: Decide with data, not fear
When you’re miserable, fear gets loud:
“What if I leave and regret it?” “What if I can’t find something better?” “What if the next company is worse?”
So instead of spiraling, gather evidence.
Update your resume. Apply to five roles. Take a recruiter call. Have one exploratory interview.
Let the market respond.
You may discover:
- You’re underpaid.
- Your skills are in higher demand than you thought.
- Other companies align more with your long-term values.
- Or that internal growth opportunities exist you hadn’t considered.
Now please note that external moves often bring larger salary increases than internal promotions. Companies frequently pay market rate to attract talent , but lag in adjusting existing employees. One example at a company I worked at for many years, is that promotions were capped at a 10% salary increase unless the new salary went below the salary range in which case you’d only be brought up to the minimum. This is how women often “fall behind” in the compensation equation. If they start lower, they never catch up even with promotions. It’s a known issue in the comp world.
If compensation is part of your frustration, test it.
Assumptions create fear. Information creates leverage.
The 30-Day Clarity Sprint
If you’re truly miserable, don’t quit tomorrow.
Run a 30-day experiment:
- Track daily energy (1–10).
- Document moments of frustration — are they relational (hate working with Linda?), strategic (don’t agree with the goals or direction the team is headed), or boredom-based (not excited by the work you are doing)?
- Schedule two or three career conversations internally.
- Explore external roles quietly.
At the end of 30 days, you’ll have patterns — not panic.
The Bottom Line
So what happened to Melissa?
She didn’t blame her boss. She didn’t burn bridges.
She gathered data.
She explored internal opportunities first. None aligned with the direction she wanted to grow despite meeting some great leaders in other parts of the company.
So she left, intentionally.
Her next company valued innovation. Long-term thinking. Strategic depth.
Her energy returned almost immediately.
Not because the old company was bad.
But because she had evolved.
Being miserable doesn’t automatically mean something is wrong.
It means something has changed.
The job. The leadership. The company’s direction. Or you.
Your task isn’t to react. It’s to diagnose.
Then move from clarity, not fear or chaos.
You’re not stuck. You’re at a decision point.
And decision points, when handled strategically, are where careers transform.
***
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And if you are too burned out and overwhelmed to even begin to use any of these strategies it might be time to get some help. Find a coach, therapist, or doctor who can help you reverse out of the physical, mental, and emotional symptoms of burnout so you can get back to living in healthy balance.
Remember, Self-care isn’t selfish…it’s required!
Yvonne Lee-Hawkins, IPHM, is a holistic Leadership and Wellness coach, stress strategist, and writer, who spent 20 years in corporate and leadership functions. When she is not working, she loves to go on nature adventures with her family, in the Pacific Northwest where they call home. You can find out more on her website, or follow her on LinkedIn, Medium, or Instagram.
If you want some help transforming your burnout into your strength, preventing your team from burning out, or with general wellness, schedule a call here.