Raising Boys

As a woman who has faced her fair share of misogyny in career and life, and as a mother raising a son, I feel an urgent responsibility to speak about what it truly means to raise boys into strong, good men.

I often hear the question, “where are all the good men? Why aren’t they showing up?” Well, for one, we have to show them what strong and good means.

Not strength rooted in domination, wealth, or emotional suppression. I’m talking about the strength to protect others, to stand up for what’s right, to be kind, courageous, and grounded in integrity. The world doesn’t need more males wielding power without purpose. It needs men who understand that their strength is a gift—meant to serve, not control.

The Problem Isn’t Masculinity

Today, some argue that masculinity itself is toxic. But masculinity, in its healthiest form, is not the enemy. The real problem is when boys grow up without learning how to handle power, emotions, or failure. Left unaddressed, this often results in men who either crumble under pressure or react with aggression to preserve a fragile sense of dominance.

A 2015 study by Michael M. Kasumovic and Jeffrey H. Kuznekoff makes this point clear. In their research on online multiplayer gaming (Halo 3), they found that higher-skilled male players tended to welcome women into the game with encouragement and cooperation. But lower-skilled players often responded with hostility. Their behavior wasn’t rooted in confidence, it came from a perceived threat to their status.

When masculinity is built around hierarchy and dominance, anything that challenges it becomes the enemy.

Predators Aren’t Powerful—They’re Afraid

This became even clearer to me listening to former U.S. Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras in a Diary of a CEO interview. She said, “Predators are weak. Look at the victims they go after—women, children, the elderly.”

That statement reframed so much of what I’ve felt throughout my life. The men who try to intimidate or overpower aren’t strong. They are afraid. They choose targets they believe won’t fight back. This is why, in women’s self-defense classes, we’re taught to walk with confidence, to make eye contact, and to carry ourselves with purpose. Predators and bullies are often cowards in disguise.

So, when I think about the kind of man I want my son to become, I picture someone who doesn’t feel threatened by strong women but welcomes them as allies. A man who doesn’t abuse power, because he understands its responsibility.

Parenting a Son in a Shifting World

Raising a boy today is both a challenge and a privilege. I want my son to grow into someone emotionally aware, kind, and gentle, but also grounded, capable, and confident.

What I don’t do is teach him that strength makes him superior, or that crying makes him weak.

Even at his young age, we talk about consent, kindness, and using strength to lift others up. My husband and I try to model these values every day, because boys become who we are, not just who we say we are.

One moment that really brought this home happened on the baseball field. My son plays in a local league, and sports have been a powerful tool for teaching him discipline, resilience, and teamwork. What struck me most was how often the boys in his age group still cry. When they strike out or throw a wild pitch, the tears come. And instead of shutting that down, I tell my son, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be disappointed. Better out than in.”

I want him to know that feeling deeply doesn’t make him fragile, it makes him human.

Not everyone sees it that way. At one game, I heard a grandmother yell at her crying grandson, “Stop that crying before I give you something to cry about.” She clearly loved him, she never missed a game—but her words reflected a damaging, outdated mindset. One that teaches boys to bottle up emotions until they either implode or explode.

That moment reminded me why this work, this rewriting of old scripts, matters so much. We’re not just raising boys. We’re shaping future men.

The Loneliness Epidemic and What’s Really Happening to Our Boys

Many are now talking about the “male loneliness epidemic.” Young men are feeling increasingly isolated and directionless. Suicide rates are rising. Graduation rates are falling. And many wonder what’s happening to this country.

But it’s not a mystery.

When we strip away meaningful rites of passage, emotional education, and mentorship, we leave boys to be raised by social media algorithms and online influencers who confuse bravado for confidence. When boys aren’t taught how to connect, they grow into men who don’t know how to relate. When they aren’t shown how to lead with love, they learn to lead with fear—or not at all.

I’ve worked with leaders who led from fear and anger. It worked for a while—until it didn’t. One senior VP I knew ruled with intimidation, but when the tides turned, no one stood up for him. That’s the trap of fear-based leadership: it only lasts as long as you have power. Eventually, age, change, or a more grounded leader takes your place.

What Boys Really Need

We need to give boys more than rules. We need to give them role models.

Here’s how we start:

• Emotional intelligence: It’s okay to cry, to be disappointed, and to express those feelings. I remind my son often that vulnerability and courage are part of the same thing.
• Confidence through competence: Whether it’s sports, art, or helping around the house, doing hard things builds real self-esteem.
• Accountability: Everyone makes mistakes. The key is to take ownership. Even small, funny lessons matter. Like the time my son lied about picking his nose until I said, “Hey, we all do it. Just use a tissue and wash your hands.” Gross:)
• The power of protection: Being the strongest person in the room means using that strength to make others feel safe. My husband shows him this every day: kind and playful, but serious when needed.
• Standing up to injustice: We talk about “what would you do if…” scenarios all the time. And we praise him just as much for being a good teammate as we do for standing up to a bully.

And above all, we love him fiercely while guiding him firmly.

Strong Men Create Safe Spaces

I want my son to thrive. To lead, but also to listen. To be someone others feel safe turning to, not someone they fear.

Because when we raise boys like that, everything gets better.

Women feel safer.
Children are protected.
Communities grow stronger.

Real strength, when rooted in love and integrity, changes everything.

A Call to Parents of Both Boys and Girls

If you’re a parent, of a boy, a girl, or both, this work is yours too.

Teach your boys that real strength uplifts.
Teach your girls that they deserve to be respected and protected.
Model the values you want to see in them.
Talk about the hard stuff.
Celebrate the soft stuff.
And raise them to know that the most powerful person in the room is the one who makes others feel safe to be exactly who they are.

We don’t need to dismantle masculinity. We need to redefine it.

Let’s raise a generation of boys—and girls—who understand that power is for protection, not control. That empathy is not weak. And that real leadership starts at home.

Thankfully, when I look at this crop of boys (my son’s age), and I am filled with hope that the definitions have changed and in this era of division and politics, that true connection and kindness will be the only sustainable way forward.

*I fully acknowledge that if you are a single parent, this work is even harder. But if you can, lean on friends, mentors, and community members, because there is one cliché that is rooted in truth: It takes a village. 

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Yvonne Lee-Hawkins, IPHM, is a holistic Leadership and Wellness coach, facilitator, writer, and mother who spent 20 years in corporate and leadership functions while also being a wife and mom to three amazing kids. You can find out more on her website, or follow her on Instagram, LinkedIn,  or Medium. If you are ready to elevate your life, schedule a call here. 

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